Maybe it's ME???

Okay, I think I'm "Self-Sabotaging" my love life! I'm expected to be let down, so I end up letting others down first! Why am I doing this? I guess I'm thinking "if something is too good to be true", it probably is? Once I come to this conclusion, I immediately SHUT DOWN and push myself away as well as push others away from me. I don't mean to do this, but it only stems from the fear that lies inside of me. The fear that I will once again open my heart up to someone so they can just come in and trample on it. My heart has finally mended for like the gazillionth time and like the picture above, that's pretty much how it should be looking right about now.

The weird part about all this is that physically, I have no problem opening up -- to a point! Then when it gets really personal and intimate, that's when feelings want to come into play and I automatically shut off and become a bit standoffish towards others? Go analyze that! I surely have! I'm pretty much scared to open up EMOTIONALLY towards another, but this is common isn't it? Physically, I'm okay though...does that make me a whore???!!! LOL NO WAY! I'm a GOOD GIRL! In a NAUGHTY CITY of course! :-P Now, how do I fix this problem and prevent from hurting others feelings or pushing them away....?!!

I've done a little research on "Self-Sabotaging" in relationships and these are some things I've come across:

I'm wearing a SERIOUS Suit of Armour...according to one article I read, I would be appear to be the type that has this suit of armour. With each disappointment I've come across, I add a little more to my hard shell making it harder for someone to get close to me. It says if I try and avoid the pain that realistically can come with "looking for love" (by closing myself off or hurting the object of my "potential affections) before the relationship even gets started, then I may also be avoiding possible joy! HA! STORY OF MY LIFE!

So, where do I go from here? What advice can you give me???

Living in the "Moments"

My love life has pretty much consisted of just "moments". At times, I would be satisfied with them and other times I thought they were just a complete waste! Though, like the saying goes "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time". I must say that I did enjoy the "moments" while they lasted. Even though there were those traumatizing ones, I knew that I had loved with the true passion that lies within me and that was enough for me to be able to say that I have lived!

Living in the Moment...how else is it supposed to be? Don't we all live in the moment? We don't know if we'll be able to take another breath tomorrow. So, why not just live your life and give it your all for "the moment"? The problem with that is, tomorrow is never promised for you. I don't know about you but I need to feel that warm and tingly feeling inside that I am in fact "safe and secure". I am a bit of a rebel and risk taker, which is why 'till this day, I'm left with many scars. Maybe I'm just meant to live my life like one big rollercoaster ride and enjoy it's ups and downs without ever getting off! Hey, it's FUN...why not?!

Rollercoasters and relationships...when you're on your way to the "TOP", you get those knots in your stomach, you don't know what lies ahead and don't know if the fall will be too steep. You're full of anxiety and excitement at the very same time. Finally, you reach the top and you see how beautiful the world can look when you're up so "HIGH". Then in an instant, it pulls you in and gives you such an unexpected rush that leaves you holding on for dear life! It reaches those incredible heights, those ups and downs that leave you gasping and wanting more! Of course the most memorable experiences are the ones that have all of those crazy twists and turns, which can either leave you with a serious migraine or a fractured body part that hopefully isn't your HEART...! ;-)